I think that I have been played.....

Fbod, put a damper on TRS, are you NUTS?! TRS is moving ahead wether or NOT she is in the picture. I don't think that you would like to move in with me, because if I am working on something like heads, I'll work untill 2 or 3 in the morning. Besides, I am a neat freak. lol, but it would be cool to have the ultimate race shop.

As for the topic at hand, I'm trying, I'm just getting over that major feeling of being hurt, and now (all is fair game) I emailed her friend, backed her into a corner, and got a lie for an answer. So I am still in the process of thinking of a way to "extract" the truth from both of them. I'm italian, I'm good like that.

- Josh

[SL04P0PR]

Originally posted by TheWhiteKnight
I'm italian, I'm good like that.

there ya go ;)

;)

[Fbod383]

:rolleyes:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! Fbod you kill me with that smily! Well, confronted her about it. She admited that she knew and that she told her friend to "in a round about way" mention it to me. She said it wasn't that she wanted a moonstone necklace, just that she though I needed a little help. So then I asked her, "It's a no confidence in your fiance thing isn't it?" She just lowered herhead and walked out of the room. What is it with women and wanting the guys to go out of their way to think of something tat the will like, hate it anyways, and then say "you should have gotten me this" :wtf: Ugh, this isn't by any means over yet, I still have questions that I want answers for, as far as the holiday season goes, mine's shot all to hell and back, her's on the other hand seems just to be thriving. I swear she trives on he drama. I hate drama queens.

[darkfox]

Originally posted by thenige
Some women i know have said that all there ex's were horrible and did numbers on them and were losers and jerks.. and they can talk volumes on how different you are...
then they treat you like yesterday's trash.. :rolleyes:

Two words

DAMAGED GOODS

Once someone has been psycologically damaged like that... well...

The thing is that most women, once having been in a damaging relationship, will tend to seek out chaos in other relationships. If none is in the relationship, i.e. they're with a good man, they will try to generate it. What it is, really, is they cannot psychologically come to grips with the fact that they can be loved without being treated badly.

Bottom line, leave her (in a soft way, if that's possible, but you need out of the relatonship because she's probably going to try to start some more chaos down the line again... and it will eventually drive you two apart) and get her some help.

I think. :rolleyes:

[thenige]

Originally posted by darkfox

The thing is that most women, once having been in a damaging relationship, will tend to seek out chaos in other relationships. If none is in the relationship, i.e. they're with a good man, they will try to generate it. What it is, really, is they cannot psychologically come to grips with the fact that they can be loved without being treated badly.

I never thot of that.. and by-gimminy it seems motherf**king insightful! ..

and maybe in some cases.. the woman thrives on being treated badly.. it's the whole martyr complex.. they just go from one relationship to another complaining about the former.. obtain sympathy and love from a new partner.. then bailing leaving damage in their wake..

all the time never looking inside to see how they can straighten out their lives..

after all.. it's easier to blame someone else right?

WK... i'm confused now.. i dunno if the true issue with you is with the gift buying hints and tricks.. or you think she wants to end the relationship..

[darkfox]

Originally posted by thenige
and maybe in some cases.. the woman thrives on being treated badly.. it's the whole martyr complex.. they just go from one relationship to another complaining about the former.. obtain sympathy and love from a new partner.. then bailing leaving damage in their wake.. all the time never looking inside to see how they can straighten out their lives.. after all.. it's easier to blame someone else right?

For example, lets take sally. After a life of being treated badly (lessay by parents, and then by bad boyfriends) sally begins to associate love with mistreatment. She finally enters into a good relationship... and everything is great, but... something is missing.

Something is "missing" because Sally "needs" to be mistreated. Of course, she doesn't really "need" it, but her mind associates love=mistreatment, because that's all she's ever known. She subconciously believes that mistreatment is a way of showing love. HENCE, if she's not getting mistreated.... she subconsciously goes LOOKING FOR IT. And if she doesn't get it, she books, saying something like "I'm bored with the relationship" or "he's too good for me" or "its not you, its me..." bla bla bla


like i sad, damaged goods.

Nige man, neither do I. I am still awaiting some answers though, I think that its about being manipulated more.

[darkfox]

hey, josh, i really do hope things work out.


Above all, cool off and wait a bit. Just take a little vaction from her... and then come back and calmly talk things out with her. Things may not be as serious as they seem. It just may be some immaturity on her part.

[redga]

I dunno what I'd do if I was in your situation but I'd just like to say your girl is very immaure and selfish. If my girl ever pulled something like that she would be getting NOTHING.

Actually I know what I'd do if I was in your situation, I'd return all gifts and just give her a card, if she really loves you she wouldn't be mad, if she gets all pissed off then maybe it's time to move on, because you can do better. JMO

Thanks Fox, I appreciate that, amd everyone else who has taken the time to read this and comment. She is REALLY being extremely nice. I haven't said anything about the whole maipulation thing yet. I know she knows though. Her and his other person on AOL are thick as theives, and I called the other person on it, backed her into a corner, and got her to spill a little bit of it, then she got mad and started trying to dodge the topic (again). She told me her loyalty lied with April, so I knew that I was not going to get any real answers from her. I bet TRS on the fact that the other person sent the emails that I sent her to April. Here's the funny thing, I would have never had ANY real suspicion, until I read her emails (which I shoudn't have but I opened the wrong one which SHE told me to open!) and I was also cleaning her harddrive the other day and (those who use MS know this) found some invalid chains, and converted them to files. In those checksums it creates, there are the partial files, file info, and other info, so I always read them to see if I can safely delete them or if I have to re-piece them together. There were 4 more emails to and from this other person on AOL. So, I'm just buying my time and I am going to bring it up this weekend since the little one is not here. Maybe today after I go to the Heins Ward signing in Robinson PA I'll talk to her. It's not that I am scared to talk to her about this, its a combination of thigns. There was a guy over in Iraq that was killed last Thursday. He was in my unit. I knew him when he came in as a buck no rank private. He and I used to do a lot together. The saddest thing is that he left behind a wife and 2 kids. That also isn't helping the situation at all either. So I'm afraid if I start telling her how I feel that I am going to start to cry (even though I am severly hurt by what I found out) I don't want her to see me cry. She is really being super lovie dovie to me lately, and probably hoping that I DON'T ask her about it. Thanks againto everyone who took the time to stop and read and or comment. I really appreciate all of the advice and support.

- Josh

[thenige]

Originally posted by TheWhiteKnight
So I'm afraid if I start telling her how I feel that I am going to start to cry (even though I am severly hurt by what I found out) I don't want her to see me cry.

- Josh

well if you do .. you do... if she shows you no compassion when you do.. you'll have learned something as well..

Well we talked about it this evening. She explained the entire situation to me. She says that she never thought I would take it the way that I did, and that it was not meant as the way that I took it. She says she was feeling really bad after the entire lingerie thing went down and she is still unsure who said what, but she swears to me that she didnt know what her friend said to me inthe email, and that she just thought that if her friend had said anything to me, that I could have felt like I went out on my own and got her something. She wanted a present from my heart. (She didn't know that I already got her the ruby ring and the moonstone necklace) Also she said she didn't want to come right out and tell me what she wanted, but wanted to help me. I had been saying that I was stuck and didn't know what to get her (which is true I had said that a few times after I took her lingerie back that I wish I knew what to get her and that I was stuck) So I think that I really blew this out of proportion. Man I feel like scat. I mean I feel really bad because she has never done anything like this before, and I should have given her the benefit of the doubt. She and I talked for about 3 hours tonight, about the entire last two weeks. We said our peace. She even admited that it had to have looked bad, but she wished I would have talked to her about it earlier. I told her that I tried but one, Morganne was there and I was not going to bring it up infront of her, and two I DID try, but she said she would talk to me about it after christmas and she said she was so strung out on everything that the situation had become and she knew that I was so furious about the whole thing that she could not have talked to me then. I agreed with her. It just seemed weird to me, because she had never done anything like this, and she said it hurt her that the first time that things go wrong or the first time she screws up (which it is), that I immediatly assume the worst. (and I did, and I told her that even though we have been together for a long time, that it is very hard for me to get used to someone liking me for me) She also said that she was not trying to make me feel little, just telling me how she feels about this entire situation, which I really respect. I told her that I am used to being used, and that this is something since we never fight (and we really dont) that it is really new to me and that I would ALWAYS give her the benefit of the doubt unless she proves to me otherwise. I don't know she did say that she should have never gotten her friend involved though, and I full heartedly agree. I told her that I do not involve people in our life in between her and I, that I did not expect her to as well. She agreed. So I think that I just blew it out of proportion. Thanks for all of your advice, and I feel horrible about not only wasting all of your time, but also to waste space in the database on this. :: blush ::

- Josh

[darkfox]

wow. I'm glad things worked out, man.