No Man (or Woman) is an Island - Wrong!

[thenige]

No Man (or Woman) is an Island - Wrong!

Over the years we will all participate in, or play witness to, many close personal relationships between a man and a woman.

Many of us will evolve in our own understanding of our behaviour in a close personal relationship only when it is already over. And in most cases, I venture to offer, that this understanding is most heightened when we:


o endure some form of despair, disillusionment, fear, anguish and sadness (i.e., the “why me?”);

o make the time to reflect on our past in an objective, albeit empathetic way (i.e., the “why?” without the “me”).


I have recently had the misfortune of a failed relationship and reflected over a lengthy period of the effect it, and other relationships, had on me.

Maybe it’s my age or maturity (I’m 40), however, when I had reached a level of acceptance about my loss, I for some reason reflected back over almost 20 years of my life. What could be learned? How, if at all, are things related? This never happened before. The associations started to appear, however they were never consciously made – they just popped up.

Previously in my life there was no looking back, no reflection, only looking forward, moving ahead. Maybe the first lesson I learned was that – “some learning is always there, it’s just waiting for you to discover it, or acknowledge that it exists”. It also showed me that what I learned about myself I did not always like.

Please understand that several very close and understanding friends helped me to both recover and uncover these learnings as best as I can describe them. They were objective, supportive and always listened. Through my time of need, I owe them my recovery. If they read this, they’ll know who they are. Thanks forever.

For the remainder of this story, I will disclose things that have happened in various relationships I have had, the things I have learned, and when. This is not intended to be a cross-section of humanity, just my experiences and what I’ve learned about myself. Many things I am not proud of, and there are no excuses. You are welcome to read and judge for yourself.

Please remember, again, that this is aimed at helping you understand yourself, not others. In my view you can only truly know yourself, and ultimately it is that person you need to understand and be content with, or change.

Drifting and Docking

Back to my “no man is an island” metaphor of this story. Let’s imagine every man and woman lives on their own self-contained island. So here we are – drifting through life, on this island, and occasionally we drift into other islands on our journey. This, often chance ‘meeting’ may result in a bond or connection between the islands, in some manner, as follows:


1. Two separate islands with a bridge between them

2. Two islands joining and sharing a ‘parcel’ of their land

3. One island becomes enveloped in the other (as driven by a dominant island) i.e., “I want you to be part of MY island”

4. One island becomes enveloped in the other (as offered by the receiving island) i.e., “I have cleared a place on my island for you”


Now of course there are likely other bridges or unions possible, and multiple combinations of these four. However, these are the four primary types that have become most apparent to me.

The remainder of this story will describe the four “connections” from my point-of-view. I will describe each and provide a true example of my experience with this connection. Finally, in the reflections section, I will discuss what I have learned about myself to-date.

Who wants to hear more?

Yes / Good God No

[darkfox]

tell me more this is highly intreguing.

[SoLid_PrAnkstA]

Good God yes. I'd be interested to hear more about the 4 main types of connections, which the remainder of the story will reportedly describe.

[SL04P0PR]

i'll fess up and tell you that i voted 'no'... before i started reading :rolleyes: but this is pretty inspiring so far... I would be glad for you to continue.

[Fbod383]

are you trying to tell us you're gay?

[thenige]

Originally posted by Fbod383
are you trying to tell us you're gay?

Are you trying to tell me you are interested if i was? ahahahahha.. :rolleyes:

[darkfox]

:eek:

ok calm down you flamers.

[thenige]

Given it being xmas coming up and all... I'm killing this thread ...

I finally finished the whole story.. and it stands at 17 pages...

if anyone is interested.. i can email it to them.

a-hoy-hoy!

Hey Nige, email it to me, I'd like to read it